Friends have a way of digging up feelings in yourself that you thought were deeply buried. Feelings about lost loves, and lost moments.
You remember about the one that got away. You remember the one you let get away. Often it is with advantages, but the memories can be vivid.
Smells can fill your nose, it's the ocean from that birthday. It was a surprise and we stood on the beach and watched as the sun set. I kissed your neck.
Feeling the goosebumps as I watched someone else take my award. I felt cold as he walked up to the podium to accept something I could have done if I had pushed myself more.
Knowing in my heart that I am drowning slowly. That this life is slowly crushing me under its weight.
Seeing in a reminder, how I have hurt someone again. Ignored her all because I couldn't get over myself enough to tell her that I hurt so bad right now I can't bring myself to get out of bed for anything important, let alone the must important thing in her life.
I taste the lump that forms as I think that this friend depended on me, again, and again I let myself flake out. Again I wasn't able to push myself.
There is a feeling of falling backward when all I think I see is forward.
I need to climb again, not stubble not fall. Climb on my own.
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